PARENTS : Everyday Life at Brilliant Star : Freedom and Discipline

Paddling in Saipan Click photo to enlarge

As a school that emphasizes both character development and intellectual development, Brilliant Star expects students to demonstrate kindness, courtesy, and respect toward the school and fellow students, parents, teachers, and staff. The goals are to establish a safe, warm and caring environment within which students learn positive and appropriate ways to handle situations; to develop a strong sense of self-discipline, responsibility and courtesy; and to develop an atmosphere conducive to peaceful studies.

When anyone at Brilliant Star finds it difficult to follow the school's expectations about interpersonal conduct, we will quickly bring the student, family, and staff together to work toward a solution.

We follow an approach based on empowerment, mutual respect, and trust. Neither corporal punishment, nor physical or emotional intimidation, is allowed at Brilliant Star. If anyone consciously or flagrantly violates the social contract regarding safety, kindness, and courtesy, our response is to identify the appropriate and natural consequences of their actions. For example, if something is purposely broken, it must be replaced or repaired, preferably not by the parents alone, but by the students whose actions led to the damage.

At the Primary level and above, and with some older toddlers, children are aware that hitting, pushing and other similar physical acts are not acceptable expressions of emotions. Children often display such behavior out of frustration, nevertheless, the behavior is not acceptable. Brilliant Star has a "Zero Tolerance" policy towards such behaviors.

If your child displays such behavior, they will be sent home for the day. We find that this is the clearest way for children to understand that such behavior is not acceptable in social settings. When such acts occur, we help the child identify and come to terms with their own emotions that led them to display such behavior, we encourage them to take reparative action towards the other child, and we help them to understand that having to leave the school for the day is not a "punishment", but rather a natural consequence of the behavior they displayed. It is usually a very positive interaction for the child that is sent home. They come to value the clear limits.

Primary classroom Click photo to enlarge.

As a parent, the question that you'll face is "What do I do once I pick up my child?". Your child will look to you and your actions for guidance and for cues. It is best to avoid two extremes. First, avoid severely rebuking or reprimanding your child for her behavior. If you get a sense your child wants to talk about the incident, it is helpful to ask her about it, and how she feels about it, and what she thinks about it. You may wish to help him identify his own emotions leading up to the behavior, and ask him to suggest other ways he might deal with his emotions in the future. Finally, it helps to acknowledge the child's current feelings with a statement like "You must be sad about having to leave your friends at school," and then close with some encouragement about the future, "You may feel upset at school again. You've had a chance to think about other ways you can respond to how you feel in the future."

The second reaction to avoid is making light of the behavior, or worse, "rewarding" the behavior by taking your child somewhere special. If possible, the child should be taken home and their activities limited for the rest of the school day. It should not look like a regular "Saturday" at home. Being at home, away from school should act as a consequence for the behavior at school. If the child is coming home and having great fun the rest of the school day with his parent or caretaker, the child's behavior is reinforced.

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